so many times i sit at my computer and have pandora playing while i surf the net and don't really pay attention to what song is playing or who is singing it. i just pick an artist i'm in the mood for and listen. one random day when i was sitting at the coffee shop listening to whatever and wondering why the heck i don't have a job yet and wanting to do things my way in my time, this song by my new favortie artist shawn mcdonald came on. the lyrics are quite simple but became so powerful for me and spoke to me in. it has been my prayer each and every day since then, and i put it on every night before i fall asleep. i wanted to share them.
Would You open up eyes, so I can see
Would You open up my ears, so I can hear
Would You open up my mind, so I can know
Would You open up my heart, so
I could love You more
I want to serve You, my God
I want to give All of Me,
I want to serve You, my King, yeah
I want to serve You, my Lord
I want to give You everything, yeah
Would You open up eyes, so I can see
Would You open up my ears, so I can hear
Would You open up my mind, so I can know
Would You open up my heart, so
I could love You more
I want to serve You, my God
I want to give You everything
I want to serve You, my King, yeah
I want to serve You, my Lord
I want to give You everything, Yeah
Here I am with my arms open wide
Asking for You to come up, up inside
Won't You make me new, won't You make me true?
Jesus, won't You make me like You?
Would You touch my eyes, so I can see
Would You touch my ears, so I can hear
Would You touch my mind, so I can know
Would You touch my heart, so I could love You more
Won't You open me
Won't You open me, open me
Won't You open me, open me
Won't You open me
Monday, July 11, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
we regret to inform you...
frustrated. a word that i have become all too familiar with lately. frustrated because i am a worrier, frustrated because i don't yet have a job, frustrated because i know i need a job, frustrated that i have no sense of stability, frustrated because i can't beat my best mile times, frustrated because i am not that good at tennis. i am a competitor, and whether it is playing my little brotherr in tennis or fighting for a job with a slew of other applicants, i want to win. if i'm not doing that(competing) then i become very frustrated with myself and in turn with a lot of people around me. one thing leads to another, frustration builds, and i just go into shut down mode which isn't one of my proudest traits.
a lot of times i go back a read blogs from the past and catch myself needing to do some of the things that i am letting others read about. this will probably one of those times. you see i believe frustration is a growing mechanism that the Lord puts in our lives. in my personal opinion, i hate it. i am a deep and unique thinker and worrier which causes a lot of unnecessary frustration and stress. at times it literally makes me want to explode. instead for some reason i go run and recently that hasn't even been a stress or frustration reliever. i was to the point the other day that i wanted to rip my ipod out of my pocket and throw it into next week. not one "good running" song would play so i just turned it off. after a couple of miles, i realized that running without music all the time wasn't so bad. it was nice to be refreshed with the sound of my tennis shoe hitting the pavement and the breeze blowing in the trees and people chatting as i passed them.
frustration comes almost daily in my job search as day after day i receive an email with another "your qualifications were outstanding and we appreciate your interest in blah blah job but we have found someone more capable of filling our needs at the current time." like i want to call that person and say really, have you really found someone more capable. how do you know that is what i want to ask? like how could they be passing on me, i mean i am benjamin stewart.
i say all this to get to the point that no matter how frustrated i get or become it doesn't solve anything. everything happens for a reason and being frustrated about a situation isn't going to make it any better. frustrationg to me seems to be a test. a test of yourself, a test of your faith, a test of your selfishness, a test of your strength, a test of your will. will i be able to overcome my frustrations? well yeah eventually but one thing is certain, i can't do it alone even though i've tried multiple times. and even though i know i will be stressed and frustrated again i also have the comfort of knowing i'm not going through it alone. He is with me and He is with me always. that voice is saying "the job is coming," "the stability is coming," "the girl is coming," "the four minute mile is coming(maybe,)." it's just up to me to listen and obey.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
PS - There was a little frustration while writing this blog
a lot of times i go back a read blogs from the past and catch myself needing to do some of the things that i am letting others read about. this will probably one of those times. you see i believe frustration is a growing mechanism that the Lord puts in our lives. in my personal opinion, i hate it. i am a deep and unique thinker and worrier which causes a lot of unnecessary frustration and stress. at times it literally makes me want to explode. instead for some reason i go run and recently that hasn't even been a stress or frustration reliever. i was to the point the other day that i wanted to rip my ipod out of my pocket and throw it into next week. not one "good running" song would play so i just turned it off. after a couple of miles, i realized that running without music all the time wasn't so bad. it was nice to be refreshed with the sound of my tennis shoe hitting the pavement and the breeze blowing in the trees and people chatting as i passed them.
frustration comes almost daily in my job search as day after day i receive an email with another "your qualifications were outstanding and we appreciate your interest in blah blah job but we have found someone more capable of filling our needs at the current time." like i want to call that person and say really, have you really found someone more capable. how do you know that is what i want to ask? like how could they be passing on me, i mean i am benjamin stewart.
i say all this to get to the point that no matter how frustrated i get or become it doesn't solve anything. everything happens for a reason and being frustrated about a situation isn't going to make it any better. frustrationg to me seems to be a test. a test of yourself, a test of your faith, a test of your selfishness, a test of your strength, a test of your will. will i be able to overcome my frustrations? well yeah eventually but one thing is certain, i can't do it alone even though i've tried multiple times. and even though i know i will be stressed and frustrated again i also have the comfort of knowing i'm not going through it alone. He is with me and He is with me always. that voice is saying "the job is coming," "the stability is coming," "the girl is coming," "the four minute mile is coming(maybe,)." it's just up to me to listen and obey.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
PS - There was a little frustration while writing this blog
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
this one's for you pops
i figured i would take a break from my ecaudor blogs to write about something new and considering this passed sunday was father's day, i thought i would blog about my father. for those of you that don't know most people just call him big L.
you know people always tell me i am just like my mom and i agree, but without my dad i really don't know where i would be today. i mean half the time he doesn't have a clue what is going on in my head because we are wired so differently in that way. he doesn't understand why i do things certain times and how i do them. this is what makes us relate so well with each other. the characteristics he presents daily are the type of characteristics i want to have some day when i become a father.
humble
outgoing
hard-working
hilarious
loves people
loves meeting new people
a heart for God
energetic
sports minded
these are just some of the characteristics that describe my dad. it really makes my day when people in his sunday school class come up to me and tell me that my dad is the best sunday school teacher they have ever had. you know this is what i love most about him. big L has a love for the Lord and is in a positon where the Lord is using him in every way he can. it is this that stands out about my dad. through all the laughter and tears we have shed it is still awesome for me to know that he is doing exactly what the Lord has called him to me. i read a lot of tweets and facebook posts this weekend about how great everyone else's dad is and you know i wasn't one of those who tweeted or posted it on facebook. he knows he is an awesome dad and doesn't need me to let everyone else know about it. if you ever get the chance to meet big L you are in for a treat just as he is when he meets his heavenly big L (the Lord) one day. (hopefully far off) i can't thank the Lord enough for providing me the type of person to look up to and strive to be like when i have kids.
oh and dad by the way your daughter is the one who is just like you!!
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
you know people always tell me i am just like my mom and i agree, but without my dad i really don't know where i would be today. i mean half the time he doesn't have a clue what is going on in my head because we are wired so differently in that way. he doesn't understand why i do things certain times and how i do them. this is what makes us relate so well with each other. the characteristics he presents daily are the type of characteristics i want to have some day when i become a father.
humble
outgoing
hard-working
hilarious
loves people
loves meeting new people
a heart for God
energetic
sports minded
these are just some of the characteristics that describe my dad. it really makes my day when people in his sunday school class come up to me and tell me that my dad is the best sunday school teacher they have ever had. you know this is what i love most about him. big L has a love for the Lord and is in a positon where the Lord is using him in every way he can. it is this that stands out about my dad. through all the laughter and tears we have shed it is still awesome for me to know that he is doing exactly what the Lord has called him to me. i read a lot of tweets and facebook posts this weekend about how great everyone else's dad is and you know i wasn't one of those who tweeted or posted it on facebook. he knows he is an awesome dad and doesn't need me to let everyone else know about it. if you ever get the chance to meet big L you are in for a treat just as he is when he meets his heavenly big L (the Lord) one day. (hopefully far off) i can't thank the Lord enough for providing me the type of person to look up to and strive to be like when i have kids.
oh and dad by the way your daughter is the one who is just like you!!
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Monday, June 13, 2011
love with what?
this is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. if anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:16-18
with the encouragement of chad thompson, this verse has really hit home to me and especially hit home in patate, ecuador. for those of you that don't know, my espanol isn't very fluent, and i can only speak a few words. with this being said the children i was ministering to there didn't care. all they wanted was a smile on my face and a hug waiting on them when they saw me each day come off the bus. it is through ACTIONS that we need to love. everyone may not understand what we are saying or trying to say, but if we love through doing, the work of Jesus can be spread by any way possible. as verse 18 clearly states let us love with actions and with the truth that is Jesus Christ!!!
with the encouragement of chad thompson, this verse has really hit home to me and especially hit home in patate, ecuador. for those of you that don't know, my espanol isn't very fluent, and i can only speak a few words. with this being said the children i was ministering to there didn't care. all they wanted was a smile on my face and a hug waiting on them when they saw me each day come off the bus. it is through ACTIONS that we need to love. everyone may not understand what we are saying or trying to say, but if we love through doing, the work of Jesus can be spread by any way possible. as verse 18 clearly states let us love with actions and with the truth that is Jesus Christ!!!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
open your eyes, ears, and heart
i'm not going to apologize for the next couple of blogs because i want everyone to read them, however, they are all going to be about my experiences in ecuador. on may 27 i was blessed and fortunate enough to travel to patante, ecuador with my the calvary baptist church youth group. in all honesty i had been dreading going on this trip for some time now. little did i know that this was exactly what i need at this point in my life.
in december my mom came to me and asked if i wanted to go to ecuador at the end of may with the youth group from back home. i was hesitant and reluctantly said yes. i told her from the beginning that i really hoped i didn't get to go because i was hoping that a job would be in my future after my may 7th graduation. so for the past 5 or so months leading up until the trip my prayers consisted of asking the Lord for a job and to place me where he felt i needed to be. funny thing is i guess my father in heaven didn't need me in the real world quite yet. weeks and months passed and applications were filled out and turned down. it's a frustrating thing job hunting, but i got to the point where i wasn't just frustrated but mad as well. i NEEDED a job! i could just see God now laughing his head off at me watching me go about things my way and looking for Him to give me that job.
so the day came where we were flying out of atlanta and to be honest i still didn't want to be boarding that airplane to ecuador. i wanted to be making money out in the real world. we got to patante late on friday night so the bed was quickly calling my name. saturday we put on a vacation bible school type camp for the ecuadorian youth. and to be real, i was miserable. i was questioning why i was there. i was wondering were i fit in whether in be with the youth or as a chaperone. i just kinda stood back out of the way selfishly thinking i sure hope things change. there again was God looking down laughing. not only was i ignoring Him but was ignoring my real purpose for being in ecuador. that afternoon after lunch i prayed for something to change. well guess what it did. my and my brother adam went up the hill and were messing around with a soccer ball when to young boys came and started playing with us. those two boys were so excited about getting to play with three american guys, will otis joined in on the fun. from then on i knew i had been brought to ecuador for a reason. it wasn't because God was ignoring my job hunt, it wasn't so i could have some life changing experience, it was to bring smiles, joy, and the wonderful word of Jesus Christ to these young people that wouldn't hear about it any other way.
throughout the week adam and i along with others led bible study at our designated schools even though my lesson was pretty awful in american terms (just ask adam). the kids didn't care, they want to know so much about the Lord we serve in america and the one and only God that they can go share with their parents. they wanted to see our smiling, loveable faces and it clicked. i wasn't there for me, i was there for those kids, i was there for their parents, i was their for the people of patante, and most importantly i was there because God wanted and needed me there.
i went in with a closed mind, heart, and soul but boy did the good Lord bust that wide open and i can only imagine why.
more is to come.....
isaiah 40:11 - our teams theme verse for the week
in december my mom came to me and asked if i wanted to go to ecuador at the end of may with the youth group from back home. i was hesitant and reluctantly said yes. i told her from the beginning that i really hoped i didn't get to go because i was hoping that a job would be in my future after my may 7th graduation. so for the past 5 or so months leading up until the trip my prayers consisted of asking the Lord for a job and to place me where he felt i needed to be. funny thing is i guess my father in heaven didn't need me in the real world quite yet. weeks and months passed and applications were filled out and turned down. it's a frustrating thing job hunting, but i got to the point where i wasn't just frustrated but mad as well. i NEEDED a job! i could just see God now laughing his head off at me watching me go about things my way and looking for Him to give me that job.
so the day came where we were flying out of atlanta and to be honest i still didn't want to be boarding that airplane to ecuador. i wanted to be making money out in the real world. we got to patante late on friday night so the bed was quickly calling my name. saturday we put on a vacation bible school type camp for the ecuadorian youth. and to be real, i was miserable. i was questioning why i was there. i was wondering were i fit in whether in be with the youth or as a chaperone. i just kinda stood back out of the way selfishly thinking i sure hope things change. there again was God looking down laughing. not only was i ignoring Him but was ignoring my real purpose for being in ecuador. that afternoon after lunch i prayed for something to change. well guess what it did. my and my brother adam went up the hill and were messing around with a soccer ball when to young boys came and started playing with us. those two boys were so excited about getting to play with three american guys, will otis joined in on the fun. from then on i knew i had been brought to ecuador for a reason. it wasn't because God was ignoring my job hunt, it wasn't so i could have some life changing experience, it was to bring smiles, joy, and the wonderful word of Jesus Christ to these young people that wouldn't hear about it any other way.
throughout the week adam and i along with others led bible study at our designated schools even though my lesson was pretty awful in american terms (just ask adam). the kids didn't care, they want to know so much about the Lord we serve in america and the one and only God that they can go share with their parents. they wanted to see our smiling, loveable faces and it clicked. i wasn't there for me, i was there for those kids, i was there for their parents, i was their for the people of patante, and most importantly i was there because God wanted and needed me there.
i went in with a closed mind, heart, and soul but boy did the good Lord bust that wide open and i can only imagine why.
more is to come.....
isaiah 40:11 - our teams theme verse for the week
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
i just woke up
wow last night i went to sleep anxiously awaiting my first day as a 1st grader and i woke up today with an MBA staring the real world straight in the face. at least that's what it seems like.
and now what should i do....?
should i jump into a job just because it's a job
should i blog more (this is an obvious answer)
should i begin writing my book
should i move
should i keep doing what i'm doing
and now what should i do....?
should i jump into a job just because it's a job
should i blog more (this is an obvious answer)
should i begin writing my book
should i move
should i keep doing what i'm doing
there are so many "what should i's" that come to mind when facing the future but the better question to ask is what WILL i do? so many times i have gotten caught up in the what should i do scenerio where i really don't take everything into account. through my long dream that was elementary school all the way until the end of graduate school, the "should i" game has reared its ugly head multiple times. the thing i am most sure of now is what i will and feel called to in what lies ahead. i WILL make a difference in lives, i WILL jump on any opportunity that is given to me, i WILL pursuit my desire of athletics, and i WILL rely on my father in heaven for every answer to every question i have. oh yeah, and i WILL blog more. sorry been frustrated and on edge recently.
"but blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. they will be like a tree planted by the water that sends its roots by the stream. it does not fear when the heat comes; its leaves are always green. it has no worries of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8
p.s. prayers are welcomed as i am traveling to ecuador on thursday to do some of the Lord's work.
Monday, May 9, 2011
dear mama
day late but...
yes, i am not afraid to admit it, i am a mama's boy. i have been since the day i was brought into this earth by her. i can't imagine where i would be without her today or what kind of man i would have turned in to without the guidance and direction that my mother provided.
at first i didn't want to be considered a "mama's boy." it just sounded like i was a big wimp and a push over. for the longest time i would get so irritated that people would tell me i look and act just like my mom. i didn't want to be like my mom. i wanted to be the tough, hard-nosed kid that was more like daddy than mom. as i've grown older, i have accepted the fact that God put my mother her for me and that being compared to her in anyway was a blessing and a very heralded complement. it's funny to think back in my stubborn days that mom was/and is always right. without her, i would be a complete mess. she is my best friend and always wanting what's best for me.
funny story in regards to my mom actually...we were sitting in church sunday (yes Mother's Day), and before the service i was looking around the sanctuary trying to pick out a girl that was my "type." as i told my mom what i was doing she just chuckled and said what exactly is your type?" of course i said i'm not really sure, but little did i know that 45 minutes later i would know. my pastor, Dr. David Eldridge preached a sermon on the christian woman and mother, and boy was he spot on. after the service my family was enjoying a wonderful lunch and i looked to my mom and said, i think i have found my "type." oh really she said and what would that be. i responded with a quick did you hear that sermon? david painted the perfect picture of her, and she is just like you (my mom). what a way for God to show me what type of girl i want to be with than the picture he painted with my mom that i have failed to realize recently.
kind-hearted, open, emotional, worrisome, beatiful, bold, unique, talented - these are just the few characteristics that describe mom and i can't wait for the day that i can call my wife the same things.
Psalm 127- the message preached on sunday
and dats her!!!!
yes, i am not afraid to admit it, i am a mama's boy. i have been since the day i was brought into this earth by her. i can't imagine where i would be without her today or what kind of man i would have turned in to without the guidance and direction that my mother provided.
at first i didn't want to be considered a "mama's boy." it just sounded like i was a big wimp and a push over. for the longest time i would get so irritated that people would tell me i look and act just like my mom. i didn't want to be like my mom. i wanted to be the tough, hard-nosed kid that was more like daddy than mom. as i've grown older, i have accepted the fact that God put my mother her for me and that being compared to her in anyway was a blessing and a very heralded complement. it's funny to think back in my stubborn days that mom was/and is always right. without her, i would be a complete mess. she is my best friend and always wanting what's best for me.
funny story in regards to my mom actually...we were sitting in church sunday (yes Mother's Day), and before the service i was looking around the sanctuary trying to pick out a girl that was my "type." as i told my mom what i was doing she just chuckled and said what exactly is your type?" of course i said i'm not really sure, but little did i know that 45 minutes later i would know. my pastor, Dr. David Eldridge preached a sermon on the christian woman and mother, and boy was he spot on. after the service my family was enjoying a wonderful lunch and i looked to my mom and said, i think i have found my "type." oh really she said and what would that be. i responded with a quick did you hear that sermon? david painted the perfect picture of her, and she is just like you (my mom). what a way for God to show me what type of girl i want to be with than the picture he painted with my mom that i have failed to realize recently.
kind-hearted, open, emotional, worrisome, beatiful, bold, unique, talented - these are just the few characteristics that describe mom and i can't wait for the day that i can call my wife the same things.
Psalm 127- the message preached on sunday
and dats her!!!!
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